About

BA in English. Ardent Reader. Kindle Fan. Unapologetic Introvert. Fervent Feminist. Recovering JD. Lazy Buddhist. Absent-minded Searcher. Occasional Writer. Novice Runner. Cat-owner. Life Co-Conspirator (LCC). Cordial Critic. Liberal Midwesterner. Geeky Nerd. Mind nomad.

Zetetic means "Proceeding by inquiry; investigating" and is derived from a Greek root meaning "searching" or "to seek." I'm above all a seeker of meaning in this fleeting life, so it seemed a fitting word. And it starts with a Z. Who doesn't like Zs?

This blog has a tumbling little brother, for shorter & not always bookish posts.

Here, Now

I’ve been back in the MidWestern Jesus-loving (but not emulating) center of the universe for over 3 years now. Back in the place that made me so uncomfortable in my own skin that I had to molt and bolt to a fast-paced, anonymous life in the capitalist intellectual center of the universe a decade ago.

It makes no sense that a quiet, naive and loyal misfit from middle America would slip into a life in Manhattan as easily as I did. (Sarcasm most likely saved me from total annihilation.) Such qualities had no choice but to erode (though not completely, of course), and yet, back where they began, the strange old dynamics return as easily as childhood-relating arises when with family. I find myself feeling the odd one out among the same people from whom I felt alienated as an awkward, geeky adolescent. Not in the crippling way of that time — adult alienation is somehow different, tinged with a stronger aura of otherness that lacks the youthful feelings of inferiority and innocence. I’m above the exclusion; I don’t care - and yet, I’m twelve again. Why are they still ‘they’ - what is their problem? It’s me: I am not like them, not superficially. It’s okay.

And as I allow myself to relax, to befriend the friends of the co-conspirator, I'm slowing growing back into my original skin. Perhaps I'm not so odd, after all.

Lives evolve on a different time table here; families were started young, and half are broken by now. Those that lagged behind are still ahead, and have begun the family starting process. I hover on the precipice of change, but I (we) don’t take the plunge. Growth feels halted, a disc or record stuck skipping at a damaged area: career choices hang suspended in limbo, life-motion choices dangle in between, motion-stopped. We’re too old to about-face our livelihood options without sacrificing the chance of biological mini-wes. We’re too young to accept without bitterness the realities we’ve already chosen.

Old friendships morph, and some decline. People with whom we once shared the barest moments of our lives now come to town without even a phone call. Harsher faces emerge where softer warmth once resided. New friendships are forged in unlikely places. Small surprises, revelations good and bad, continue.

Children are born to others, and grow like weeds, or flowers, or both.

And here we are. Now.

In a minute there is time for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

This is not how we pictured our lives, at all.

This is not it, at all.

And yet: it is.  We are here, now.

It's not so bad here, after all.

7 comments:

  1. What an utterly remarkable bio, unlike any I have read. So poetic and full of wisdom. So poignantly bookish. This is one blog I know I will come back to.

    All the best!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I really like your blog! Is there anyway I can contact you about possible review titles. Please email me kenya(dot)walker@us(dot)penguingroup(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great bio, I am envious of a original, honest, unapologetic bio! Very much enjoying your blog!

    Kat

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi and I like your blog!

    I was looking around for good book blogs when I found yours.
    I appreciate your sections about why one should and shouldn't read said book.

    Visit you again soon!

    Check out my books on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/6649006-pavel

    Pavel

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi :) We nominated you for the Liebster Award! We hope you'll accept it. Here's our post: http://allthatmagic.wordpress.com/2013/09/24/liebster-award/

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi

    Your readers will be able to read entirely free my new novel, 1967.

    It is a rollicking good read, because discovering the formative influences of our
    lives does not have to be heavy, as readers will discover.

    They can get the ebook free from Smashwords using this coupon code:

    ZP85X

    Attached is all the info.

    You can access the book online at

    www.kozmikhoroscopes.com/1967.htm



    You can also request a complimentary print version of the novel by replying to this email.

    Best regards

    David Stuart Ryan

    P S I would appreciate people who read the novel writing their review on the Amazon site for 1967.



    Announcing the publication of what will come to be seen as the definitive portrayal of the amazing year that was 1967, ‘the summer of love’









    1967



    A novel by David Stuart Ryan



    ISBN-13:978-1492226918

    Available as an ebook and printed book



    Published November 22 2013 by Kozmik Press and Amazon



    '1967' plots the course of a momentous year.



    The year when pop turned into progressive rock and masterpieces from The Beatles and The Rolling Stones provided the soundtrack to what were revolutionary times.



    The novel by David Stuart Ryan, author of the bestselling 'John Lennon's Secret’, describes the events as they happen month by month, through the non-stop kaleidoscope of the life of Paul Dane, an advertising copywriter, and his circle of friends.



    If you thought the world of ‘Mad Men’ was strange, the adventures in this volume will only confirm all your wildest suspicions.







    You live out the exhilarating, unpredictable but always totally engaging events, music and experimentation that stamped themselves on a year, and produced the legendary 'summer of love'.



    There has probably never been a time when the women were so willing, the mood music so congenial, the artificial aids to expanded consciousness so freely available.



    You start to realize as you progress through the heady months of 1967 that everything is evolving at a fantastic speed, a whole year's evolution appears to take place in a month, or less, as the young suddenly and inexplicably begin to seek out their dreams and fantasies, aided and abetted by some of the best music every produced, the tracks that have become an intimate part of our lives and which continue to haunt and fascinate in equal measure.



    '1967' takes you behind the scenes to give you an understanding of just what it was like to experience this tsunami of change, of hope and ultimately of changes with profound revolutionary implications that are even today working themselves out as the old ways are rejected, as a counter-revolution runs out of steam and the visions that beguiled a whole generation move into the mainstream.



    And yes there is a lot of sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. This is 1967. It is more 50 shades of psychedelic colour than the grey of a postwar world.



    What a trip you are about to embark upon.



    You can read the first two chapters online at

    http://www.kozmikhoroscopes.com/1967pre.htm



    You can order the complete book for review by emailing

    admin@kdmadvertising.com


    ReplyDelete

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